Ageing Gracefully.

Observations from living with my 98-year-old father.

 

Living with and caring for an elderly parent is not all chocolates and roses. Looking after their daily needs requires a good amount of time, patients, and empathy. Your family’s life becomes a lot less flexible. It’s a gig that is part willingness and part obligation.

 

My father, who is 98.5 years old, and essentially quite healthy and well, is very reluctant to go into an aged care home or permanent care. He is currently living with my family for 8 weeks whilst my brother is overseas, whom Dad lives with most of the time.

 

Ronny (or Poppy to my children) is just recovering from his first bout of Covid. He tested positive a week after my son’s wedding. Thanks to Antiviral’s and 4 vaccinations, his symptoms have been mild, but we have all been very worried and on heightened alert for the last few weeks.

 

In anyone’s life, timing and luck play a big part. For Dad, getting through 32 months of the pandemic without getting Covid has been a miracle. If he caught it much earlier, he probably would not have survived and that is a very scary realization.

 

Every day I am thankful that just as I am about to turn 61, I still have my father as part of my daily life, and Dad was 38 when I was born!

If you live a long life, the numbers become quite significant. Ronny was born in 1924, he married my mother Pam in 1956 when he was 32 and she was only 19. They were happily married for 64 years.

 

Three years ago, just before the pandemic, my brother and I took Dad on a 4-week trip around Europe. A very ambitious undertaking at the time! My grandfather Malcolm was an AAF pilot in the first world war and Dad had always wanted to visit the airports and battle fields his father served at in England, France, and Belgium during the war.

International travel when you are 95 is not easy. long flights, airports, taxis, hotels, trains, unfamiliar food – everything is difficult. But the emotions, memories and wisdom that came out of this trip were absolutely worth all the inconveniences. Getting a first-hand glimpse and appreciation for the hardship suffered by all WW1 soldiers is a life changing insight.

 

The most significant observation from living with my father as he ages gracefully is that the mind becomes more important than the body.

 

“Aging is not an option, not for anyone.

It is how gracefully we handle the process and how lucky we are as the process handles us.” Cindy McDonald

 

At 98.5 Dad is free of ailments but has extremely limited physical capacity and is hard of hearing. However, his mind is as sharp as a tack. His memory is outstanding, and he can devour a good book in 2 or 3 days.

Unfortunately, my mother was not so lucky. She died 2 years ago with good physical health after a 6-year battle with dementia and for her last 2 years she had almost no mental functions. The contrast of fortunes is incredible, and I now know that the secret to aging gracefully is staying as mentally active as long as possible.

 

“The goal in life is to die young – as late as possible.” Ashley Montagu

 

My other key observation is that life is so much simpler if you are not focused on money. My father has always been a very practical man. He could make or fix anything and although he ran his own small business for 40 years, he was never focussed on making or managing money. Luckily, he had my mother for that, and she was exceptionally good at controlling their money and planning for the future.

 

Having no money worries allows you to age gracefully and without stress or complication, and that’s a blessing for everyone involved.

 

Ronny has accrued a substantial number of accomplishments throughout his 98+ years. One that stands out and is particularly relevant is his sailing prowess. In the early 1950’s Dad designed and built his own 14-foot skiff yacht. He then went on to win 3 Australian Championships and was awarded an incredibly special trophy for doing so. This large silver trophy has always had a special place on the living room shelf in numerous family homes.

 

On the 4^{th of} January next year Dad is being honoured at the Australian 14-foot championships “Legends Day” when he will become a “Life Member” of the Black Rock Yacht Club and he is donating his special trophy back to the International 14 Foot Skiff Association. See the poster below.

 

A proud son…

 

Thanks for reading,

Stay safe and honour the elderly.

David.